


and If

by Stromesquad



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Angst, Happy Ending, M/M, no really guys this is about long term pining and being in the closet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-28
Updated: 2018-02-28
Packaged: 2019-03-25 06:55:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13828872
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stromesquad/pseuds/Stromesquad
Summary: i guess you really don’t wanna talk to me so i’ll just leave you alonegood luck in jersey hallsyHe’d left the “I love you, I miss you,” unsaid. He’s pretty sure Hallsy knows anyway.





	and If

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to FTC, Ang, and Aimee for the editing and to Ash and Lotts for reading. And to everyone for not murdering me.
> 
>  
> 
> title from syntax by Maureen N. McLean

Jordan gets traded to New York. That's not the weird part. The weird part is that Taylor Hall is the first to call him after. He and Hallsy were…almost something once. It was hovering right there, ready to be taken. But then Hallsy got traded and stopped answering the phone when Jordan called, when anyone called. He gave up in October after months of nothing in two texts saying  
_i guess you really don’t wanna talk to me so i’ll just leave you alone_  
_good luck in jersey hallsy_

He’d left the “I love you, I miss you,” unsaid. He’s pretty sure Hallsy knows anyway.

***

Jordan meets Taylor Hall for the first time at World Juniors camp in 2009. He’s a loud, bright presence in the room. He’s smiling so wide it makes Jordan’s face hurt. He’s kind of beautiful in this awkward teen way where he hasn’t quite grown into himself yet. Jordan would never say any of that out loud, obviously. Like, sure, he’s a teenager, but he’s not a total idiot. Closets are safe places for boys who want to play professional hockey. There he will stay, even if he catches Hallsy smiling at him a little longer than the other guys on the team. 

Jordan means to keep his distance. He really, really does, but that doesn’t seem to be in the universe’s plans because they get paired up a lot at camp, and they end up on a line together. And off the ice, Hallsy sticks by his side. And it just works. It’s easy to be Hallsy’s friend, easy as breathing. Taylor Hall is funny, and he’s kind. He’s maybe not the smartest guy on the team but it doesn’t matter. His hockey senses are off the chart and what he lacks for anywhere, he makes up for in enthusiasm. 

One night, they’re sitting together on the bed playing Mario Kart and Taylor decides to just sit on Jordan’s lap to stop him from getting past him into first place. Jordan makes a muffled yelp.

“Hallsy, get off! You’re heavy!”

“Nope. Not gonna. You’re comfy and I win. Double bonus points for sitting on you.”

Jordan wiggles to try and get Taylor off his lap. It hits him then, that he’s maybe a little bit in love with his friend. Taylor is nice, and funny, and even though he acts dumb, he’s surprisingly smart. Taylor Hall is everything Jordan likes in a guy wrapped in a package that is just on the right side of growing out of teenage awkwardness. He’s a lot. And Jordan loves it. It’ll be okay though. Jordan will have the space to get over it. Hallsy plays in the O, Jordan in the W. They’ll only see each other it if they both make the memmer. But he doesn’t say no when Taylor asks if they can keep texting after the tournament is over. He tells himself physical distance will be enough.

And it goes fine until…until the draft where Taylor goes first overall to the Edmonton Oilers and Jordan hasn’t gotten over his crush yet. It goes fine until Jordan knows he’s going to be spending an awful lot of time with Hallsy, who he hasn’t stopped having this stupid fucking crush on because he’s a glutton for punishment and never put his stupid phone down when Taylor freaking Hall texted him.

Basically, Jordan’s screwed and he knows it.

***

Taylor calls him the day the trade news breaks, while Jordan is packing up his apartment in Edmonton. Jordan found out about 20 minutes before it hit the internet, which is more than he can say for Hallsy. Jordan thinks he didn't know at all, but can't be sure since Taylor stopped answering his phone in the immediate aftermath. So Jordan is surprised, to say the least, that Taylor is calling.

“Hey Hallsy,” he answers, trying to sound casual but missing by about 15 miles.

“Hey Ebby, long time no speak,” Taylor says as if it isn't his fault for not answering. “How are you doing?”

“Considering I just got traded across the continent, pretty good.” 

“Did you at least know?” 

“Yeah, I knew. I knew towards the end of the season but my lack of production in the playoffs kind of sealed my fate.”

“I know you have a lot to do, like finding a place to live and getting settled in and stuff but can I…” Taylor sounds hesitant, unsure of himself, lacking the brashness and confidence Jordan thought he knew. He guesses maybe he didn't really know Taylor Hall all that well at all. 

“Can I see you? I just…I owe you the biggest of apologies and…” he keeps trailing off, taking deep breaths before finishing sentences. He's so hesitant. It makes Jordan’s heart ache. 

“Yeah. Of course, Hallsy.” There is no world in which he’d say no, no matter how much it hurts. 

Moving is going to be difficult so Jordan asks, “Any tips for making the move?”

“Yeah.” Taylor laughs. “Use your team’s realtor. They’ll help you get something quick and that you’ll like. The sooner you move the better probably. I waited until like the last minute and I was living in boxes for the most of the season. Eventually my mom got fed up with me not being able to find shit and came and helped me. Don't do that to your mom, Ebby.”

Jordan laughs. That sounds just like Hallsy. He's a little bit of a mess sometimes, but he’s managed not to kill himself or any roommates or rookies yet. Controlled chaos. It works for Hallsy in a way it works for no one else, Jordan guesses. 

“I won’t. I wanted to start looking at places as soon as possible anyway.”

“Well, I’ll be in Jersey for like, a week in July.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

Jordan signing on his rental does, in fact, coincide with the week that Taylor is back in NJ but Jordan isn’t ready to see him yet. He makes his excuses of being busy unpacking and Taylor takes it for what it is and lets Jordan be for a bit. It’s…Talking to Hallsy is a lot. Jordan hasn’t, and probably won’t ever totally let go of what he lost when Taylor stopped answering the phone. It’s going to take a while to get there. 

***

Jordan’s big fat stupid crush on Taylor Hall is about to get a whole lot worse. They make the team out of training camp together, and the Oilers seem to think it’s a good idea to get the two rookies an apartment together instead of settling them in with someone who knows how to cook something more complicated than KD.

It’s not that Jordan minds spending time with Hallsy. He loves it. Taylor is fun, he laughs easily, and makes Jordan laugh in return. They have the same taste in music, video games, movies. Just about everything that you could be compatible with a person for, they are. Jordan is maybe a little neater, and doesn’t just leave his laundry laying around like Taylor does, but Jordan doesn’t really mind. He finds laundry soothing in the chaos of their first NHL season. It’s a simple, constant task that he’s used to doing. He’s been doing his own laundry since his first season in the W and he might as well just do Hallsy’s too. Taylor may or may not think a magical laundry fairy exists. Jordan can’t be sure. Maybe he thinks they have a laundry service. They have a cleaning lady, so why not? He does break the news about the laundry fairy to Hallsy one night while they’re sitting on the couch watching a movie. It’s boring, and neither of them is really paying attention. 

“Hey, Hallsy?”

“What’s up, Ebby?” Taylor looks over with his head tipped back on the couch cushion.

“You know we don’t have a laundry service, right?”

 

“Umm…What?”

“Yeah, I’ve kind of been doing it for you?” 

“Ebby, _why_?”

“Well, the first time, I didn’t have enough whites and yours were just like, sitting there, so I just added them to mine. And then I just like, kept doing it?” Taylor is just staring at him. “And I like doing laundry. It’s soothing, I guess. I’ve just been doing my own since I was like 14 and my mom taught me. I can teach you if you want.” 

“Really?”

“Yeah, we can do it together sometimes. Or like take turns. Whatever you want, man.”

“Okay. Okay. I should probably learn how to do that?”

Jordan teaches Taylor to do his laundry, emphasis on sorting colors so he doesn’t ruin any of his dress shirts. It goes well but Jordan still does most of it. Like he said, he finds it soothing. It’s a quiet, repetitive task he can do on autopilot, no stress. It’s kind of calming in the chaos that is his first ever NHL season. So he does Taylor’s laundry. And sometimes they do it together, and if during those quiet moments, switching laundry and folding next to each other, hands brushing as they pass things back and forth, well that’s for Jordan to know. 

Jordan is having fun. The team isn’t very good, and they know they aren’t going to make the playoffs, but they’re having fun. Him and Hallsy against the world. If, by the end of their first season together Jordan has moved beyond crush and into head over heels, that’s no one’s business but his own. He’ll live with it. They decide to continue living together for the next season. Jordan tells himself it will be fine. The whole “being in love” thing can’t get much worse than well, being in love. 

***

Jordan finally goes out to dinner with Taylor a week before training camp starts. They meet in the city at a nice steakhouse that somehow manages to be both extremely busy and very quiet. It’s awkward, difficult in a way things with Hallsy shouldn’t be, but there’s a lot left on the table between them that they’re refusing to discuss still, sticking to awkward small talk.

Taylor cracks first. “Well, this fuckin’ sucks. I’m just going to…Jordan, I am so sorry.” 

“It’s fine you don’t have to…”

“Yes, I really do. We were best friends and I just ghosted on you and that’s not fair. It wasn’t fair to any of you, but especially not you, Ebs. We were…”’ Taylor pauses, his face scrunched up, eyebrows knit tight together. Jordan wants to reach out and touch him, reassure him that they’ll be okay. 

“We were?” Jordan prompts Taylor to continue.

“We were best friends, Ebby. You were my person, and I don’t think I’m wrong in thinking I was yours.”

“You were. But I get it now. Getting traded is…It’s hard and it hurts.”

“Yeah, but it’s not an excuse. You didn’t do that to me. Management did, and I took it out on you.” 

“Hallsy…” 

“No, what I did sucks. I was a shitty friend. I want…I want to try to make it up to you. Be friends again. I…I reached out to Connor too. But you’re more important. And Ebby, you’re HERE.”

Jordan smiles, a shy one. “Yeah, I’m here.” He can’t decide how he means that.

“I want to be your friend again, if you’ll let me.”

“Of course. Of course I want to. Never stopped being your friend, Hallsy.” 

Taylor lets out a relieved sigh. “Thank you.”

“Hey, it’s okay.” Jordan grabs Taylor’s hand, squeezes briefly, and lets go. “I’m here.” He knows he’s smiling. It’s probably too big, but it’s fine.

“I’m going to earn this, Ebby. I’m going to earn the right to be your friend again, I promise.”

“Already have, bud. You called.”

Taylor is smiling at him so wide now that it almost hurts Jordan’s face. He seems so full of hope and promise. Jordan is weak in the knees all over again. 

***

It’s the end of training camp after their first season in Edmonton. They had some of the guys over after their last practice before the regular season and everyone got a little drunk, except the rookie, Nuge, who is sleeping it off in their extra bedroom. It’s why they got a three bedroom this time, so when someone needs to sleep it off, they can. Jordan’s feeling loose and easy, full of warmth, and he’s looking at Taylor, head leaning against the back of the couch. Taylor is his mirror image, head lolled back and staring right back at Jordan, a bit of an intense look in his eyes.

“Ebby, you’re my best friend. I love you, Ebby. I wanted you to know.” 

“Oh?” Jordan feels his face flushing hot. He knows Taylor means it just as friends but it sparks a little too much of a fire in his gut. It feels like hope he shouldn’t have but can’t stop himself from feeling anyway. 

 

“Yeah, Ebby. You’re my person,” Taylor smiles. 

“Yeah, Hallsy. You’re mine too.” And they just sit there, smiling a little stupidly at each other for a while. 

Eventually one or maybe both of them shift so they are ever so slightly closer together, and then closer and closer until they’re breathing the same air. Jordan is pretty sure they’re about to kiss, and he’s pretty sure it’s a terrible idea, and he’s really, really sure that he just doesn’t care. If Hallsy is going to kiss him, Jordan is not going to stop that from happening. Then there’s a crashing sound and footsteps. They spring apart, putting several feet of space between them as Nuge comes out of the bedroom.

“Sorry, sorry. I didn’t mean to make all that noise. I think I broke something. I just want a glass of water.” 

Nuge looks so forlorn that Jordan can’t help but laugh. He gets up and helps Nuge get a glass of water and puts him back to bed. When he comes back out, Taylor is standing and stretching.

“I think I’m going to head to bed.” 

“Okay.”

Taylor stands there for a moment just looking at Jordan like he’s got all the answers. He says, quietly, “Night, Ebby.”

“Night, Hallsy,” he whispers back as Taylor turns away. 

***

Jordan and Taylor start texting again. It’s slow at first, but after a week the floodgates open and it’s like they’ve missed no time at all. They talk about everything again. It’s both amazing and terrifying because Jordan never thought he’d have this again. And as happy as he is, it brings a little bit of that pain to the surface. And then he’s picking at the feelings he finally thought he’d begun to let go of.

Pick. Pick. Pick until the scabs come off old wounds. Jordan lets himself feel the years of hurt. The years of almost. And it’s all flooding back. It’s like he’s never stopped loving Taylor and Jordan realizes, he kind of didn’t. It was just buried beneath the layers of hurt, and fear, and betrayal he felt when Hallsy left. The feelings are still there. The layer of love running underneath them all. 

They hang out too, when they can. They meet for dinner in the city whenever their schedules allow. It works out to be that they see each other once a month but they talk every day. 

They’re out for one of their dinners when Taylor’s foot brushes along Jordan’s and he leaves it there, resting his ankle against Jordan’s. One point of contact through layers of fabric and Jordan feels like his entire body is lit up. He knows it doesn’t mean anything. Taylor is a physically affectionate person. They spent all of their years in Edmonton draped all over each other. 

It’s fine. Jordan’s fine, tuning out the inner mantra of “What if, what if, what if?” 

***

They don’t talk about the almost kiss, if that’s what it was. Jordan’s too afraid to ask in case he was wrong. They go on with life as normally as possible. If there’s a little more space between them when they sit together, no one seems to notice. Jordan sits there, quietly reveling in the hurt. If the only thing he’s getting is that almost kiss, he’s going to pick at it until it bleeds, analyze every minute of that drunken moment.

Eventually, things go back to normal, Hallsy sitting almost on top of him on their couch, resting his head on Jordan’s shoulder on the plane…It’s both so much and not enough. 

One late afternoon when they’re on the couch after a practice of getting bag skated through the ice, movie on, drowsy and half asleep Taylor whispers, “Ebby, you know I love you right?” 

“What?” Jordan isn’t sure he heard it right.

“Yeah, I love you. You’re my best friend.” Taylor’s voice is soft, heavy with sleep. 

“Love you too, bud.” And it’s truer than Hallsy can ever know. 

Taylor drifts to sleep on Jordan’s shoulder. Jordan leans his head down on top of Taylor’s and lets himself drift in that half awake state where you’re just about to fall asleep. If this is all he ever gets, it’s enough for him. It’s better to have Taylor like this than not have him at all.

 

***

By some accidental miracle of scheduling, Jordan and Taylor have a free afternoon that coincides in mid-December. Jordan’s glad. They talk constantly but with NHL schedules and living almost an hour apart, they don’t really get to hang out that often. So Taylor drives up to Jordan’s one Sunday afternoon to hang out after he’s done with morning skate. Jordan opens the door to find a smiling Hallsy holding some video games and a six pack.

“Hey! Didn’t know if you had all your games unpacked or not so I brought some with me.”

Jordan lets out a laugh. “Hey Hallsy. Most of my games are, in fact, unpacked. Some of us don’t wait until our moms help us and get our shit together before the season starts.” 

Taylor rolls his eyes, walks out of the entryway, and holds up the beer. “Where should I put these?” 

“Kitchen’s through there, follow me.” They walk into the kitchen together and Taylor pops the beer in the fridge then leans back on the counter. 

“So what’s on the agenda? I figured video games and Netflix? Just like old times?” Taylor asks.

“Sounds good.” Jordan leads the way into his back room. He’s got a nice big screen set up with a comfy leather couch. Taylor plops down on one end while Jordan gets the gaming console ready to go. “‘Chel or Mario Kart?” 

“Let’s start with ‘Chel. I miss kicking your ass.”

“Pretty sure I had the winning record before...” Jordan trails off and the past sits awkwardly between them for a moment. “Pretty sure I had the winning record.” 

Taylor laughs, “In your dreams, Ebby.” 

“Game on!” 

They play for a half hour slowly sliding closer to the middle of the couch where the view of the TV is. As the space between them shrinks so does the gulf caused by a year of silence. It’s really fun, just getting to be with Hallsy again. 

When they finish a game, Jordan gets up. “Going for a beer. Want one?”

“Yeah.” 

Jordan takes a minute in the kitchen to gather his thoughts. Being around Hallsy is still the most fun he’s ever had. He shakes his head, grabs the beers out of the fridge and walks back into the living room to find that Taylor has slid even closer to the middle of the couch. 

“Wanna switch to Mario Kart?”

“Yeah,” Jordan smiles. Taylor is ridiculously competitive so it’s always an adventure. 

They start out with over a foot of space between them but by the end of the first lap of the first race, their elbows are brushing. By the third race, they’re pressed together, hip to thigh and it looks like Hallsy is about to take over his old tactics of sitting in Jordan’s lap but never quite gets there. The distance has been completely erased but the time hasn’t. 

They separate a bit when they decide to watch movies but they pull together again, as if they were magnets, able to be pulled apart but once together would drift back into each other’s space. It has a feeling of inevitability. At one point their hands brush and Jordan jolts. He’s reminded far too much of their past and how somehow, even though everything is different, nothing has changed at all. And isn’t that a terrifying thought.

***

It’s a rare, lazy Saturday evening, no game to worry about tonight or the next. Jordan’s basking in it, relaxing on the couch in his sweats, sitting pressed against Taylor. He’s never been more comfortable, relaxed and happy and easy. His beer sits open on the table, warming, untouched but for the first sip he took at the beginning of the movie. Jordan is content to stay where he is and never move again.

“Boooooys! Let’s go out,” Whitney says as he walks into the living room, dressed up to go bar hopping. 

“Nah, I’m tired,” Taylor says. Jordan nods in agreement. He’s content to just sit here.

“Come on, let’s go pick up some girls.” 

“I kinda just want to stay in, I’m tired,” Jordan responds. He burrows deeper into the couch.

“You guys are like a fuckin’ old married couple. I’m going out and getting laid. Don’t wait up for me, mom and dad,” Whits says as he grabs his coat. 

“Have fun!” Taylor calls after him. He turns and looks at Jordan, eyebrows pinched a little. Jordan wants to reach out and smooth the crease. “Is it weird that we don’t wanna go out?” 

“Nah, we’re like halfway through the season. I think it’s normal to be tired.”

They stay like that, pressed together and eventually they both drift off to sleep, movie still playing in the background. They somehow end up laying down in the middle of the night and Jordan wakes up, pressed together and spooning up behind Taylor on the couch. He wonders if he should be weirded out by it but he and Taylor have always been a little weird about each other. He doesn’t question it. He just kind of revels in it. If he can’t have Hallsy romantically, he’s perfectly happy to have him like this. He takes pleasure in the little oddities of their friendship. 

 

***

The problem with spending time with Taylor Hall is that Jordan is very quickly learning exactly how much he’s still in love with him. He doesn’t stop though. They manage to get dinner in the city within a couple weeks of hanging out and Jordan isn’t really sure what he’s supposed to be doing here. Taylor keeps smiling at him, wide and open the way he used to; he’s lost that closed off, nervous edge somewhere during the night at Jordan’s, as if Taylor could ever do anything Jordan wouldn’t forgive. But Jordan figures he needs to talk this out with someone, so he texts Nuge.

hey you free

Yeah give me 5 min

Jordan paces as he waits for his phone to ring. They text a lot but they’re busy so they don’t call often. It’s just Nuge. He doesn’t know why he’s nervous. When the phone finally rings, Jordan answers and just blurts out, “Hi, I’m in love with Hallsy.”

“Okay then. Get why you needed the call.”

“So umm…what do I do?”

“Well, have you told him?” 

“No! Why would I tell him? We just started hanging out again and you can’t just like tell people that!” 

“Well, you can, and usually it’s a good thing.”

“I’m just…I thought I had gotten over him last year when we weren’t talking but now we’re here and we hang out and…It’s like nothing has changed at all. I just wanted to be over it.” 

Nuge sighs at the other end of the line. “I don’t think you were ever really over it, bud. Your face fell half the times you looked at your phone like you were still waiting for Hallsy to answer you back.”

“I…” Jordan doesn’t really have anything to say to that honestly. It’s not something he even consciously realized he’d been doing. He sighs. “I just don’t want to lose him again. And I’m scared that I will if I tell him.” 

“For the record, I don’t think you’d lose him. From what you’ve said, he’s worked pretty hard to be in your life again and I don’t think he would want to lose that.”

“Thanks, bud. This helped.” 

“You good, Ebs?”

“Yeah, I’m good.” 

They hang up and Jordan thinks. 

Jordan and Taylor take advantage of both being home for the All-Star break and hang out, but Jordan doesn’t say anything. “Next time,” he tells himself.

They don’t see each other in February but he doesn’t say anything during any of the half a dozen times they talk on the phone.

He just…he never says. He’s too afraid to take the risk.

***

It’s getting warm in Edmonton and Jordan isn’t ready to go home yet even though he leaves tomorrow. He’s enjoying spending some time just sitting in the sun at Hallsy’s after watching some of the draft coverage. It’s nice. It’s simple. He doesn’t have to think about it. They’ve had a while to just sit around and do nothing since, once again, their season ended early, missing the playoffs. Sometimes it feels a little like they’re just…never going to get there but next year. Next year, they’ll have a healthy Connor McDavid. They’ll have him, and Hallsy and Nuge. They can maybe really do this . 

Together. He and Taylor can do this together. It’s a really nice thought to have. It has always felt a little like him and Taylor against the world. Maybe a little less so now, but it’s him and Taylor first. 

Jordan sighs as he finishes his beer. “I should head back to my place and finish packing. Gotta head out in the morning.” 

Taylor sighs back. “Okay.” 

They get up and walk into the house, close together so their hands almost brush as they move. Jordan dumps their empty bottles into the recycling container and continues on to the door. 

As he’s going to leave, Taylor grabs his hand and squeezes it. “Have a good summer, eh?” 

And he keeps holding his hand for just a moment longer. It’s so clear to Jordan in that moment that Taylor feels the same. He’s as sure of this as he is of his own feelings, but now isn’t the right time to start something, not when they won’t see each other for months. They’ll talk about it when they get back for camp in September. 

“I’ll miss ya, Hallsy.” 

“I’ll miss you too, Ebby. See you in September.”

Jordan walks to his car a little dazed by his revelation. Not now, but soon. Soon they’ll have their chance to be together, after years of dancing around the edges of it. God, he loves Taylor Hall so much.

Four days later, Taylor gets traded to the New Jersey Devils and stops answering his phone. 

Voicemail, June 29, 2016: “Hey Hallsy, just wanted to make sure you’re okay? I’m sorry you got traded.”

Text, July 1, 2016: _hey bud, haven’t heard from you in a few days, wanted to make sure you’re okay_

Text, July 15, 2016: _hey still haven’t heard from you, just wanted to say hi and see how you’re doing_

Voicemail, August 10, 2016: “Hey Hallsy, guess you’re ignoring me but I really need to talk to you. Call me back?”

Voicemail, (drunk), September 5, 2016: “Taylor, please call me. I miss you so much. *Sniffles* Please, please just talk to me.”

Text, October 5, 2016: _i guess you really don’t wanna talk to me so i’ll just leave you alone  
good luck in jersey hallsy_

***

They play each other at the end of March, and it’s the first time they’ve seen each other in weeks. Taylor’s been on fire, racking up points like crazy since the new year, and God is it something to watch. Even as an opponent, maybe especially as an opponent, Jordan can see how great Taylor is. He’s grace and power on ice and Jordan is so in love with him. After the game, he knows they need to talk because Jordan can’t. He can’t keep quiet anymore. And if nothing is going to come of this, he needs space. He can’t keep hanging out with Hallsy if he’s going to ache like this in between. He texts Taylor before hitting the showers _hey can i see you real quick_ and takes the fastest shower of his life. He checks his phone to find _yeah gimme 10 and ill meet you outside the locker room_. It came 5 minutes ago so he gets dressed really quickly and gives his hair a cursory rub with a towel and walks out of the locker room. Taylor is there less than two minutes later, smiling wide, a trickle of water dripping down the side of his face where his hair is still soaked. 

“Hey Ebby! What’s up?”

“Is there somewhere quieter we can talk?”

“Yeah.” 

He grabs Jordan’s arm and pulls him around the corner to a little alcove. Taylor’s smile is so blinding and bright and happy, like their best days together in Edmonton. He’s so beautiful that he acts before he can think. He’s kissing Taylor before he even knows what’s happening. But it’s okay because after a stunned moment, Taylor kisses him back. It’s brief, way too short a time before Taylor is pulling away. 

“I have to go. Plane to catch,” he says, straight faced. He turns and walks away and shit. 

Jordan just fucked everything up and he’s going to lose Taylor for good. Fuck what he thought about needing space. He doesn’t need space, he needs Hallsy in his life in any way he can have him and he just fucking ruined it. He goes back to the locker room and gets himself ready to board the bus. He’s quiet and the guys sense he needs some space, even Mat leaves him alone. He texts Nuge, _i know you have a game but can you call me after ill be up_. Jordan knows sleep is going to be a long way away despite it having been the second half of a back to back. He goes home and sits down on his couch. He puts on the TV and kind of just stares at it without really taking in anything. Eventually his phone rings. It’s around 2:30 in the morning.

“Hey Nuge,” he answers.

“Hey bud, what’s wrong?” 

“I um…I kissed Hallsy and it um…it didn’t go well.” He’s sniffling and he can feel the tears slipping down his face. 

“What do you mean?” Nuge sounds a little disbelieving. What would he know, really? He hadn’t heard from Taylor since the trade as far as Jordan knows. 

“He ran. Like I kissed him and he kissed me back but then he ran.” Jordan laughs a little wetly. “I don’t know why I expected different. I’m just…we’re not meant to be.” 

“Hey, hey. I doubt it’s as bad as you think. I know it feels like the end of the world but he has a game tomorrow, right?”

“Yeah, they’re in Montreal.” 

“He probably just had to go catch the team bus. It’ll be okay.”

“I just… I don’t want to lose him again.”

“You won’t. I know you won’t.” 

“Thanks, Nuge. I know it’s late so I’ll let you go.”

“It’s not problem. That’s what friends are for, eh?” 

“Seriously, thanks.”

“Get some sleep, Ebs. You’ll feel a lot better in the morning.”

“Night.”

“Night.” 

Jordan hangs up the phone, changes into pajamas and climbs into bed. 

He’s woken up at 10:00 in the morning by his phone ringing. It’s Taylor. 

“Hello?” Jordan answers.

“Did you mean it last night? Did you mean it when you kissed me because I can’t…I can’t…I don’t know what I’d do if you didn’t.” Taylor’s voice is shaking. 

“I meant it. Of course I meant it. God, Taylor, who do you think I am?”

“It’s just…You’re so important to me and we’re building something, right?” 

“Yeah, yeah we are.”

“Good because Ebby… Jordan… I’m all in on you.”

“I’m all in on you too. Have been for, God, such a long time.” Jordan’s smiling. He feels like he should be pinching himself because it’s too good to be real. 

“I…I love you, Ebby.”

“I love you too.” 

“I have to go. Game day, but I love you.” Jordan can hear the smile in Taylor’s voice. 

“Love you too.” 

They hang up and Jordan can’t stop smiling. This is the start of something wonderful and it was absolutely worth the wait.

**Author's Note:**

> I promise, they really do live happily ever after. They get a place together in between after like one season of dating!


End file.
